Today I’m sharing an interview I recently gave over at The Donor Group. They have tons of great information on donor gametes, IVF, and all other kinds of fertility stuff. You should totally go check them out. Here’s what they asked me:
Tell us a little bit about you, your background, and what you do.
Hi! I’m Maria. Just like your readers, I’m someone who has been dragged through the infertility mud, and I am happy to say that I figured out some things along the way to help me find some peace and calm with infertility. I am now on the “other side,” and have since begun to focus my therapy and coaching practice on helping others navigate infertility in a much healthier way (which science shows can improve fertility…win!).
What is the best part of the work you do?
By far the best part of my work is seeing the amazing transformations; People don’t realize that letting go is the best way to gain control in infertility (an oxymoron, I know). There’s a sort of spark in one’s eyes when they finally get it. THAT is miraculous to me.
What is the toughest part of the work you do?
The toughest part for me is saying goodbye to someone who has grown so much they don’t need support anymore. I’ve often said that people going through infertility are my favorite peeps on the planet, so if I’m being totally honest, I get rather attached. That said, the peace, vitality, and hope they carry with them far outweighs any discomfort on my part.
What do you like to do outside of work?
Ah yes! Must always have time for play, right? I have my husband, sons, and two dogs who keep me on my toes. We hike, bike, cook, eat together, laugh together, and generally stay active. I am a big meditation advocate, so I (try) to stay on a regular meditation schedule. I also sing, bang out a few songs on the piano, write, color, and someday I will run a half marathon. It’s on my bucket list!
What is the best advice that someone gave you?
“Don’t die with your music still inside you.” –Wayne Dyer. Well, that’s more a quote, than advice, isn’t it? But, that quote has changed my life, as I feel people tend to be fearful of sharing their truth. It’s just like infertility when people get stuck in “What IF” all the time (What if this doesn’t work? What if I’m not a mom? What if people judge me?). Getting stuck in the land of What IF is never useful; Instead, I choose to be authentic, open, and feel the fear but not let it consume me.
What gets you up in the morning?
I’d say something like “I’m high on life!” or “I can’t wait to see my clients,” but the reality is my dogs need to go out and do their business. And I just can’t seem to ignore those cold, wet noses poking me. Ha! P.S. That doesn’t mean the former two aren’t true.
What are you most excited about in your career right now?
I’ve just launched The Mindful Fertility Workshop, which is helping a ton of people get through the difficulty of infertility. I’m so happy to offer something to people that can help them in a real, practical way. Best of all? It’s free! And the last time I checked, there were close to zero free things in the world of infertility, so…
[Update 12/2017: Sadly The Mindful Fertility Workshop is not free anymore, but it is still one of the least expensive and super useful tools one will ever find in the world of IF]
What would you consider your most significant career accomplishment to date?
Last year I was invited to tell my infertility journey story on a podcast, and I was invited back as a professional with lots of great advice on how to handle the emotional roller coaster. Since then, I’ve gotten so much gratitude from people who found nuggets of goodness in the podcasts. I am super proud of those thank yous; it’s what makes everything I do worth it. It beats any award or degree any day.
[Update 12/2017: I still get to be on the Beat Infertility podcast after several years AND I’ve launched my own podcast: Miracles Happen Fertility Podcast]
What do you consider your greatest personal acheivement to date?
Hi, my name is Maria, and I am a former control freak. My greatest personal achievement to date is changing my very real need to control the universe. It made me crazy, and nothing was in my control anyway. It was all illusion. So, I now make it a very real practice to live in the present moment as much as possible; Even though it’s still a struggle sometimes, I easily forgive myself and move on to fine tuning.
Those of us going through infertility are in a challenging time in our lives. What suggestions can you provide to help get us through this adversity?
Oh goodness, where do I start? Bottom line: Treat yourself as you will one day treat your suffering baby. If your child is very upset about something what will you do? Be tender, be soothing, let her have her feelings, offer comfort, and do NOT beat her up for perceived failures or make her go to baby showers when she feels she will break. Doctor’s orders.
How do you deal with stressful times in your life?
Since I’ve let go of my need to control the universe, I really do breathe my way through stress. Recently, my son hit his head on the coffee table and had a pretty big gash in his forehead. I calmly put a towel on his head and told him to hold it, turned off the stove, put the dogs in the crate, told my frantic husband to get the car, carried my son to the car, and we went to the ER. That’s it. When you learn to be flexible with things that come your way, you simply breathe and move on. I use the analogy of a river; when a boulder falls in it, it doesn’t freak out and stop flowing. It simply goes around.
What is one piece of advice you can give someone going through infertility?
Honor you. You’re not bad or wrong or a failure or crazy. You’re just having feelings, and that’s normal. Honor them. Honor you.
What book do you recommend for our readers and why? It can be one related to infertility or just a book that you feel has impacted your life in some way.
My husband often mocks my affinity for books, since I have SO many. This is a super difficult question for me, but I would probably narrow it down to Wayne Dyer’s “Wishes Fulfilled.” Can you tell I’m a huge fan? This is a book that teaches you how to clear your blocks to everything you dream of. It’s a real, practical tool for changing how you think and starting to live like all you desire is on its way to you.
Where can our readers connect with you?
I’m all over the place! My website is www.drmariarothenburger.com. I’m also on Facebook (www.facebook.com/DrMariaRothenburger), Twitter (@DrMaria_LPC), Instagram (DrMariaLPC), and Pinterest (Miracles Happen Fertility Center). I have a fertility therapy practice in NJ [Update: I’m now online in OR and WA, too!], USA and a fertility coaching practice worldwide.
Thank you so much, and may your readers all have their miracles soon!
