I remember the first time I went to a therapist. I felt like I would die of shame, because I CRIED! Oh the mortification! I mean, I know I’m dealing with some terrible shit, I would say, but to CRY in front of a stranger?? Hell no!
And then I did it.
And I was so embarrassed.
Meanwhile, she just carried on like no big deal…handing me a tissue (which further embarrassed me. I mean, she ACKNOWLEDGED I was crying. The horror!).
Now, I just laugh at myself. Maybe it’s because I am a therapist, and people cry in front of me all the time. Or maybe I’m just good with my own vulnerability now.
Let’s face it. After you’ve had strangers poking and prodding your netherlands for 6 years to figure out how to get your ovaries and uterus to cooperate, you just sort of get to that place where it’s like, “Yup, I’m in stirrups while you examine me with your wand, and I’m talking about my day like we’re out for a cup of coffee.”
Here’s something cool: I realized, I felt more comfortable being vulnerable. I mean, it’s not like I love it. But I feel closer to people. And especially in the infertility world, you just want to hear that “me too” thing once in a while. So, being open about this has really helped my psyche over the years.
Now I can cry in front of most people. With some reservation of course, because who knows what to do with that messy, snotty cry that only my husband has seen?
Hi. I’m Maria. And I am a recovering stoic.
So, when I was invited to tell my infertility and adoption story with Heather Huhman on her podcast, Beat Infertility, I got a bit choked up (Click below for a listen!).
I didn’t need to hide it. I didn’t need to stop talking. I just felt my emotion, I was vulnerable, and I moved on. No biggee.
Telling an infertility story, especially from beginning to end, brings up a lot of junk. I mean, when you put it all out there like that, and you remember what you went through all in one hour, it’s not exactly a happy time.
But, I’m happy to tell it.
Because if it even helps one person, it’s worth it.
Incidentally, Brene Brown has a fantastic Ted Talk on vulnerability. She’s a recovering stoic as well and hilariously describes the harrows of moving over to the vulnerable side. Worth 15 minutes of your time for sure.
Until next time..be well,
