Ah yes. Those fabulous holidays. When you are trying to conceive, the holidays can feel like one giant, booming reminder of how you haven’t completed your family yet and how another year has passed without your dream coming true.
In short, it’s torture.
I’ve compiled this short list in an effort to help you decide that the holidays will not get the best of you this year. Yup, it’s a decision. Empower yourself to make different choices that help to soothe your soul.
Some of the things written about here were discussed on a recent Beat Infertility podcast about Surviving the Holidays. You can have a listen HERE.
Empowerment One
You have non-revokable, unending permission to excuse yourself from every Thanksgiving Feast, Hanukkah Celebration, Work Holiday Party, and Secret Santa exchange invite you receive.
I mean, first of all, you must own the fact that you are clearly popular and well-liked, because people want to be around you at all of these events. And, admittedly, being well-liked comes with a certain social pressure to please.
However, you are absolutely not obligated to show up to even ONE of these celebrations when you are not feeling up to donning your usual Everything-is-Awesome-Actually-Im-Dying-Inside-but-You-Won’t-Ever-Know mask.
The best sort of healing I’ve seen in my practice comes from those who are able to say no. Of course, I don’t mean you get to be an entitled jerk about it. Gently say you won’t be able to make it. Offer a valid excuse if you don’t like lying (i.e. I don’t feel well), but don’t go just because you feel pressured to go. You’re already under enough pressure to procreate, don’t you think? Give yourself the gift of a break.
Here. If you can’t envision this in your head, I’m giving you this gift. Use it well and abundantly.
Empowerment Two
Okay, so this one is generally difficult to accept. Take a deep breath and imagine the possibility.
Even if you are hosting your own party, you have permission to cancel at the last minute.
Think about this one for a second: Let’s say you’re all harried during the holiday season, trying to get everything together. Now you’ve planned your recipes, the house is decorated festively, and you even have your little Martha Stewart place cards planned out.
Then you come down with pneumonia.
Are you really going to carry on with the party?
I think not.
Infertility isn’t pneumonia, of course. In my opinion, it’s worse. Especially if you’ve just suffered a loss like another failed cycle, a miscarriage, or infant loss, you have absolute permission to crawl into your cave and lick your wounds over the holidays. But, even if you’re simply having a really bad infertility day, you have permission to cancel at the last minute.
Will people be inconvenienced? Yes. May some people be upset? Perhaps. Will you feel a wee bit guilty? Maybe.
But healing from an infertility moment trumps all.
I know you may be recoiling at the thought of not living up to others’ expectations, but believe me, the world will still be turning in the morning.
Empowerment Three
Recovering from the emotional turmoil of infertility can feel like the deepest, darkest pit from which you are attempting to crawl out millimeter by millimeter. And yet, you can still be helpful to other people.
So, I suggest this: Help Others. Perhaps strangers.
One of my very favorite stories was one told by Dr. Wayne Dyer about a time when he was a guest on a radio show, and the guest following him was none other than Mother Theresa. (!!!) Of course, he stayed to listen to Mother Theresa, and was humbled when in the interview the DJ kept asking what he could do to help raise money. “This is an 80,000 WATT station, Mother, we can reach hundreds of thousands of people! Please tell people where they can send money.” Mother Theresa was insistent she was only there to raise awareness for the homeless shelter there in Phoenix, so that the homeless knew there was a place for them.
After many failed attempts to get an address of some sort for people to send money to, the DJ was on his knees asking how he could help. Mother Theresa asked him to please sit down and there was actually something he could do.
She said, “Tomorrow morning, wake up at 4:30am. And go down to the streets of Phoenix. Find someone who lives there…who thinks he is alone. And you convince him that he is not.”
When Dr. Dyer retold this story he always got a bit choked up. So do I.
I mean, how powerful is that?
Even when you are in your darkest cave of despair, someone out there will match that vibration and need to know that they are not alone. You can provide that for them.
Heads up: You know that dark cave? A strong dose of serotonin is super helpful in helping you get out of that, and helping people does just that. Your brain produces serotonin when you help someone out. In fact, research shows that the person you are helping gets a huge dose of serotonin, too. Aaaaaannnnd, the people who observe you helping that person gets a healthy dose of serotonin! Win-win-win! You are literally spreading cheer when you help another person.
The bottom line: Know that you are a benign soul, and you do the best you can in any given moment. Your future baby needs you to be gentle and nurturing. And that starts with how you take care of you.
Many miracles to you,
P.S. For a little help with the whole calming-yourself-down thing during the holidays, why not try an awesome meditation? Go to the Fertility Shop and gift yourself a meditation for the holidays. Use the code HOLIDAYMIRACLES25 for 25% off your total purchase. Oooohmmmmmm…..
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