I know who you are.
Because I was in your shoes for nearly six years. The I’ll-do-anything-to-be-a-mom shoes.
You’re the person who does everything you can for everybody else, but you don’t take care of you.
You’re the one who needs to appear as if you’ve got your shit together, even though an emotional tsunami is hitting you every three seconds, because someone might need you to be strong.
You wear your I’ve-got-my-ducks-in-a-row mask at work, with friends, with family, and with strangers. But when you get home you let loose on your partner like they were the evil one who posted a sonogram photo on FB that day. Or they were the one who said, “Man, my husband just looks at me, and I get pregnant! Maybe if you relax? Have you tried that?”
Grrrrrr!!!
Here’s the thing: You’re sabotaging your fertility by not taking care of YOU. By wearing that mask longer than is ultimately necessary.
You must stop being all things to all people, worrying what others will think of you, and trying to one-up Mother Theresa by taking care of everybody else’s needs.
When you are attempting to invoke this amazing miracle in your life, you have to be the energy of Reception. In other words, “I am open to receiving this beautiful gift. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
When you are the energy of Giving all the time, you don’t make room for Receiving.
It’s all about balance here, folks, because giving is awesome, too. What I’m asking you to do, is to give to YOU once in a while.
Here are five small ways (with BIG impact) you can start that right now:
1) Accept a compliment
Yeah, you know what I mean. The next time someone compliments your shirt or hair or shoes, resist the urge to say, “Oh please…I got it at Costco” or “What? It’s so frizzy today!” or “I got them on sale.” Politely and humbly respond with, “Thank you.” Bonus points: Remind yourself that you like those things about you, too.
2) Ask for a hug
Okay. I know how tough this is when you have to appear that you’ve got everything under control; and I’m not saying you need to ask a random stranger for a hug (though sometimes that feels safer). Tell someone you trust that you’re struggling, and ask for a hug. You will experience an immediate release of oxytocin, which will enhance your mood like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not saying you’ll be happy; I’m saying you will reduce your pain. P.S. If you’re in Giving mode, you should know your hugging partner experiences a release of oxytocin, too. Win-Win! Try it. I expect a full report in the morning. 🙂
3) Take yourself on a date (I recently took my nerdy self to see Star Wars….awesome!)
Yeah, I was having one of those days when I just felt I wasn’t doing/being/giving enough, and I said, “Screw it. I’m going to the movies.” It was the middle of the day on a Wednesday, and it was glorious. You deserve such a gift. Maybe it won’t be Star Wars, but give yourself the gift of shutting your brain off and enjoying life for a good solid 2 hours. What would you gift yourself?
4) Tell your infertility story to people you trust, and accept their comforting words (especially if they are going through the same thing).
No need to proclaim your pain from the mountaintops; just tell someone you trust that you are hurting. Tell them they don’t have to do anything but listen, and if they offer some words of comfort, accept them as their way of comforting you. I recommend specifically talking to someone who gets you, who gets what you’re going through. But anyone you trust will do. You don’t have to appear that you have your shit together in this conversation….in fact, you have full permission to be an utter, snotty, crying mess. Do it. You won’t regret it.
5) Just. Say. No.
I’ve said this like 100,000 times, I’m sure, but I’ll say it again loud and clear: Just say NO to any event/circumstance/gathering/function that you feel will be a major emotional trigger for you. You are NOT obligated. The sky will NOT fall. Nobody will die. Life will go on. Maybe feelings will be hurt, but people are allowed their feelings, and you are practicing NOT being Mother Theresa. So let them hurt, and apologize later, if you need to. It’s okay. YOU are more important right now. If you or anybody else has a problem with this, call me. Seriously.
Okay, loves…..go to it!
Until next time, be well,
