Welcome ICLWers! You can find my welcome on the tab at the top. Short story: I’m a therapist who dealt with infertility for a long time before I said enough to ART and decided to adopt. Been through the ringer just like you, and I get it. Welcome!
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Update 6/23: The survey is now closed. Thanks to all who participated!
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Last post I wrote about the dreaded Mother’s Day fiasco…er….fiesta that most IFers scramble to avoid to whatever degree they can manage. Understatement: It’s a difficult day.
That said, there are so many fabulous things that one can do on that day (or leading up to it) to help squelch the emotional intensity, and I posted an email that I received from a local infertility/adoption counseling center on just that topic.
I mentioned that I wasn’t sure about #4, which says something about attending a baby care class. My first response: “WHAT?!” My next response, “Hmmm…”
I have a theory. It starts with a RESOLVE support group I used to attend years ago wherein the facilitator suggested bringing a pregnant woman to the group; someone who had dealt with infertility and was now pregnant. Her idea was that she wanted attenders to get in that space where this could actually be them. “Imagine what it would feel like, if this were you,” she said.
I, like most everybody else, resisted the idea right away. But, we remained open-minded. Kinda.
Fast forward many years later, and I’m reading the suggestion of attending a baby care class with thoughtfulness. How could that possibly help? Obviously, being around others who have babies or whose babies are imminent (through pregnancy or adoption) does not seem like the infertile’s cup of tea.
Then it struck me — and this is where I realized I’m seriously owning my hippy self — It’s the Law of Attraction. It’s manifesting. Most people have heard of The Secret by now; It’s one of the most popular books written on the subject. In very basic terms, universal law says that we attract what we put out. So, for example, if we put out to the universe, “I am a mom,” the universe says, “Okay, let’s make that happen.”
So, theoretically, attending a baby care class tells the universe, “I am an expectant mom. I need to take this class, because my baby will be here soon.” And then the universe moves mountains to make that happen. Does that make sense?
Okay, so here’s where my therapist hat comes on: Is it really great for one’s psyche to get all into the art of manifesting parenthood only to be hurt and disappointed when reality hits? The answer as usual: It depends. It depends on who you are, how you view your world, where your thoughts are, how you respond to your thoughts, etc. There are a million different variables.
If, however, you feel like this might be something you’re interested in, check out Flowdreaming. Flowdreaming is a tool for manifesting that allows you to essentially daydream about what life will be like once you have the thing that you want. There’s even an app (I have no idea what I ever did without my iPhone). Good stuff.
Going to a baby care class personally seems a bit too intense for one struggling to be a parent. Sitting in a room with a pregnant woman: Intense. Dreaming about parenthood? Hmmm…
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Would you go to a baby care class? Would you practice flowdreaming or essentially daydream about what life would be like as a parent? How do you think these things would affect you?
Until next time…
Be well,
~M
